Its a tough world out there for kids. Even as times have changed, things have remained the same. I remember when I was a kid, it was quite fashionable to be cruel. To be cruel was to "be a man". One of the bullies in the class took particular pleasure at hurting small animals. He would throw stones at stray dogs, and hit little birds with catapult. Although I used to feel really bad for the animals, I found the boy very fascinating and me and my friends thought of him as the “tough” kid, the “real man” among us!
In contrast, I was often derided as a weakling because I could not stand hurting animals and other kids. I envied that boy because every one feared him, and he seemed to rule over all of us! Perhaps, I used to think, this is what being "tough" means, and so among my friends it became an acceptable notion that to be "tough" one had to inflict cruelty on animals. So started this brief phase when we the “weak” kids would rival each other at throwing stones at small animals or birds. Fortunately, the birds and animals were far swifter than our stones, and our throws often succeeded in raising laughter than howls of pain. Of course I know now that cruelty is no way to define oneself. But no one ever talked to me about it when I was a boy.
So why should we teach our boys about being kind? We should because we know that it is indeed kindness that defines a “man”, and cruelty is just a sign of internal insecurities, insecurities that will probably eat at the individual for the rest of their lives. Kindness is important because it takes more to be kind than to be cruel. To be "Kind" is to be "Considerate". To be "Considerate" is to think of "others" before oneself. To think of "others" is to be "Selfless". And it is the "Selflessness", among other virtues, that is the most noble quality of a "Man".
"Kindness" doesn't come easy to us Men. Right from childhood we are trained to believe that might is right. Our toys are guns and swords and we get an adrenalin rush out of watching fight movies, playing fight and gory video games. Our role models are those that kill and pillage. On the other hand, tenderness and kindness is frowned upon. “Sissy”, “Girly” are the labels associated with kindness.
Yet tenderness when combined with bravery and valor can be extremely interesting and intoxicating. And this is what our boys need to know. We need to find new rolemodels for our boys to teach them the value of kindness. Old rolemodels like the story of Robinhood combines both valor and kindness to poor very well, as do some of our comic book heroes such as Batman and Spiderman. However in most cases it is their physical prowess and ability to kill is what is impresses kids, not their kindness of the character. We as parents need to remind our children that it is their Kindness that makes these characters so interesting. Take their kindness out of them, and they are nothing but thugs and goons.
It is also our job as parents to emulate this behavior through our own example. Kindness to a stranger in the form of a kind word or a kind gesture should be a part of our daily life, not just left to Thanksgiving and Chirstmas.